er, everyone’s doin it. right?
(started reading on 12/11/2013, finished reading on 12/12/2013)
BookfessionsChica’s Rating: ** 1/2
The following description of Drinking My Way Through 14 Dating Websites was borrowed from goodreads.com: Sick of feeling heartbroken over her most recent breakup and underwhelmed by the rest of her life, Tiffany Peón decided to embark on a social experiment. Over the course of one year, she used fourteen different online dating sites including Craigslist, speed dating and The Atlasphere, a site for fans of Ayn Rand. Through drunken interactions with strangers, she learned the ins and outs of the online dating world and eventually found her way back to the relationship that started it all.
BookfessionsChica’s Thoughts: Tiffany Peon, you had me at your Intro. Well, technically it was the title and martini on the cover that sold me on the book. But in all seriousness, I kind of hated and liked this book, all at the same time. Bright side: I found the author to be very relatable. You know, from one single chick checking out and experiencing the online dating world to another. On the not-so bright side: This beezy ends up getting back with her ex (insert gag). Their breakup was the reason she started her online dating project in the first place, so when I started the book, I immediately thought to myself, ‘this is the type of ongoing motivation I need to keep me blogging on the regular!’ (See: Date of my last published post. Clearly, I’ve been lagging). But as I read on, I felt like crying instead of blogging. Basically, the fact that she got back with her ex left me with a very specific kind of hope that I prefer to do without. The ‘maybe my ex and I will get back together someday?’ kind of hope. Well, Tiffany, ef you.
Drinking My Way Through 14 Dating Websites is a super short and entertaining read. Also, it’s only available as an ebook. Hence, no page numbers in this book review, just chapters.
Below are my favorite quotes/passages from Drinking My Way Through 14 Dating Websites:
Can I Call You Sometime?
My project had a slower start than I’d anticipated. The first time I signed up for Match I was bombarded by winks, messages and a bunch of other stuff I still don’t understand that can happen to you on dating sites.
BookfessionsChica’s Thoughts: Around October, after not having much luck with eHarmony for MONTHS, I ended up stumbling across a LivingSocial deal for a 1-month Match.com membership for $15 bucks! With the combination of being a real sucker for bargains AND being Single As Fuck (SAF), I totally couldn’t pass up the deal. And although I was completely aware that every day that passed was another day that I was SAF, I still didn’t set up my Match profile right away. In fact, what gave my SAF-ass that extra little nudge to finally set up my profile was 1. Tiffany Peon (my profile went up 3 days after finishing this book) and 2. realizing that the coupon would be expiring at the end of December.
Also within a week of setting up my Match profile, a coworker convinced me to signed up for Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB). CMB is this free app that somehow links to your facebook account (with your permission, of course), then you invite your other single fb friends to sign up for CMB so that the app can pair you up with their mutual single friends/single extended network. Er, or something like that. But CMB only gives you one match per day. Which is cool if you don’t want to be overwhelmed with tons of potential suitors, but not so cool is you’re Single As Fuck, like me.
Anyway, back to Match…As soon as I finished setting up my profile, I was ready to dive in and start perusing potential dudes. Then I immediately, I mean, IMMEDIATELY had a little baby anxiety attack due to all the ridiculous nonsense happening on my computer screen. Tiffany wasn’t playing when she mentions how she was bombarded. Match.com don’t fuck around. I mean, there are winks, there are emails, you can “like” someone, you can “favorite” someone, you receive daily matches which you can rate, and you can browse a gagillion profiles. And if THAT’S not enough, you can even receive instant messages from people who can see that you’re online (which I turned off hella quickly). I didn’t even know where to start because it was all so overwhelming.
…I left thinking about all the questions he had asked me about my type. I didn’t have any idea about my type. I have no physical type, and when I line up my exes the only real similarities I see are the negatives.
If I described my type by whom I’ve dated, rather than whom I think I want to date, it would go something like this:
I like a guy who says one thing, but really does the complete opposite. Being confused is just so hot.
Giant back tattoos. I am all about giant back tattoos.
BookfessionsChica’s Thoughts: This made me ask myself ‘what is BookfessionsChica’s type?’ Well, historically, my exes have all been Latino (mostly, Mexican/Mexican American), with lighter complexions (read: more like café con leche, than just café), and they’ve all had the following on their face: soul patch and/or goatee, and mustache. Hmm. Let’s see what else? They were all the oldest child in their family. Also, two of my three exes didn’t have a college degree. That’s pretty much the extent of the similarities they shared.
OKCupid and Me
It was because of OKCupid that I had my first one night stand.
BookfessionsChica’s Bookfession: I’ve never had a one night stand, but I’ve added it to my sexual bucket list.
Recovery began at that moment and four months later, when I was in the midst of all the online dating, I felt normal again. The only nagging feeling left lied in the idea that he was alive somewhere, living his life in the same city as me and that he had become a stranger.
It didn’t matter how many dates I’d been on, ninety percent of the time I dreaded going on them. One week I tried to push past the dread and turn myself into a lean, mean online dating machine. I went on three dates, three nights in a row.
BookfessionsChica’s Thoughts: By Tiffany Peon’s standards, I’m officially a serial dater. I’ve gone on three separate dates, three days in a row. One time I even went on two dates in one day. Ha, beat that, Tiffany!
I’d come a long way since date #1, and I’d learned that as great as it can be to have a filter in every interaction, in most of them it was easier to censor my quirkiness. I don’t want to end the night feeling like a weirdo, and since I was going on so many dates at that point, that sort of self-doubt could really wear on me. Once the mention of guinea pigs didn’t make Tim awkward, I felt comfortable to expose myself and tell him about the things that are major points in my life: things like the Spicy Special, about hating college, about that time Austin was temporarily paralyzed, and about how much I love Drake even though I know it’s lame.
BookfessionsChica’s Thoughts: I realized that when I started online dating I was more likely to geek out on a guy while talking about some of my favorite obsessions such as Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Hello Kitty, and Beyoncé. And now? Not so much. I’m a little more reserved. Takes me just a tad longer to warm up to these strangers. For example, it’s been months since I’ve told a date about my Twinkies story. And it’s a GOOD story. Part of the reason is that the topic of Twinkies hasn’t come up in recent conversations. But how do you tell a complete stranger, that you’re meeting for the first time, and that you (hopefully) find attractive that on July 15, 2013 you called every single Target store within a 15-20 mile radius of your neighborhood (as well as one or two Wal-Mart’s and Safeway’s) to confirm if they received a shipment of Twinkies? Before I go on, you should know a few things: 1. I love Twinkies. 2. Next time you’re at a county fair, carnival, amusement park, or if you ever happen to be at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, make sure to try a deep fried Twinkie. That’s right. Deep fried. You won’t regret it. 3. In college one of my sorority sisters knew how much I loved my Twinkies that she bought me a legit ass Twinkie holder (see pic below). Coolest invention ever. 4. If you know your Hostess history, you know that Twinkies went on hiatus for a bit since the company went bankrupt. 5. Afterwards, another company purchased Hostess and dubbed the return of Twinkies “the greatest comeback in the history of ever.”
twinkie holder: so they don’t get smooshed!
Back to the Twinkie story. After calling around all day from my cubicle at work for everyone to hear, I had no luck. But I finally hit the jackpot the next day after a few more phone calls! One of my local Target stores had just received a shipment that morning. By the time I called, they’d already restocked the shelves once! I begged them to put four boxes on hold for me until I got off of work. I rushed to Target after work and immediately went to the Twinkie aisle to see if I could snag some more boxes in addition to those I already had on hold. I kid you not, the shelves were bare and there were other people, besides myself, asking about Twinkies. I left that aisle with the biggest smile on my face to go and claim (and pay for) my prize at customer service. It was a good day.
like a boss.
We rarely, if ever, approach dating with a clean slate. Everyone walks through this world carrying the baggage of past relationshops. When someone has your heart, it doesnt really matter if they’re near or far; they are present in every conversation, date, and relationship you have until you find someone better. And in my experience, the feeling you get when you find someone better is so powerful that all the people from your past suddenly don’t matter because you know you’ve moved on.
BookfessionsChica’s Thoughts: Amen, sister.
BookfessionsChica’s Online Dating Facts & Figures:
Dating sites I’ve signed up for: 3
eHarmony (member since May 2013), Coffee Meets Bagel (member since Dec. 2013), and Match.com (member since Dec. 2013)
Sites that resulted in dates (to date):
Sites that resulted in a second, third, or fourth date:
How many times I’ve received flowers on a date: 2 (Fellas, ya’ll don’t wanna step it up a little bit? I was just at Safeway and they sell a dozen tulips for $7.99. Just sayin’.)
Number of profiles I’ve come across where I realize I know the guy: 5 (what a small world!)
BookfessionsChica’s Online Dating Advice:
1. Make sure to turn off the automatic membership renewal button on each dating site! For eHarmony, it’s programmed to be on once you sign up, so you get a nice little reminder on your credit card statement notifying you that they’ve taken the liberty of extending your membership.
2. I consider myself to be a pretty good multitasker, but when it comes to online dating I’ve realized that I can’t juggle too much when it comes to how many guys I’m actively communicating with. There comes a point, either before or after the first date, that you start texting eachother. So I came up with my own labeling system to distinguish one guy from another. Here is how I saved them to my contacts on my phone:
Mark CMB SF (decode: Mark is his name, Coffee Meets Bagel is how we met, he’s from the city)
Aaron M Con Nino (decode: Aaron is his name, Match.com is how we met, con nino is Spanish for with child-he has a son)
Tony EH Chiro (decode: Tony is his name, we met on eHarmony, and he’s a chiropractor)
Dating is fucking exhausting.